In 2010, Dave and I spent a year committed to practicing the Sabbath. We are not Jewish, just seekers of God–and thus silence and stillness, where He is often found. And despite the struggle to just stop, we did meet Him in that sacred quiet. If you’re interested, we wrote about our soul journey here.
I am shamed to admit how that sacred space has been lost in the hustle and bustle of our lives. Though to say “lost” mitigates my guilt; I have failed to commit to honoring that consistent space to connect with God in my life. I feel this absence even more acutely as of late with the loss of my Mom. It has been really easy to be busy and push aside the mourning and grief that threatens to overwhelm me in a tide of tears. Though I recognize pushing that aside has dangerous implications: with my mind, my heart, my health.
Tomorrow I am “retreating” once again to connect with God, to grieve, to question, to sit and be overwhelmed with the loss…and the love. Not even two years ago, I did the same thing to mourn the passing of my Dad. It just feels so heartbreakingly raw to be repeating this process so soon–but I suppose that’s on the agenda to discuss on my retreat. I will go go to Sacred Heart Jesuit Retreat House and sit on this swing and I will cry and journal and pray. And I will face the grief that has been building beneath my seeming-productivity.
“Your most profound and intimate experiences of worship will likely be in your darkest days—when your heart is broken, when you feel abandoned, when your out of options, when the pain is great—and you turn to God alone.”
— Rick Warren
