with Grief. through Grief.

36f1d41de839960b91e32314c4b2be08When my Dad died, the grief was a wind. After an excruciating long Alzheimer’s-harrowed process of watching him die before he died, his final physical death was a gentle release of all the collective breaths those who loved him had been holding for so long. I mourned, but it was in the arms of the graceful and gentle wind, rocking the boughs of my weeping-willow-tree-heart.

When my Mom died, the grief was a hurricane. The power went out, the roof blew off, the branches broke through the windows of my battered and ill-prepared heart. And so I did what anyone would if they could–I moved to a land-locked, safe location away from the devastation. The storm raged on, but at a great distance from me.

But now, in the invisible and subtle God-kissed process of healing, the external breezes and gusts of winds have become my own internal breaths, the rhythmic inhale and exhale of present losses and lost presence. My parents died, but yet now, they live in me. All the ways I imitated from them continue, their mannerisms and their sayings, their views on life, the places they took me and the spaces they gave me–this is, now, me. I cannot converse with them, but I feel them tangibly. I will never again go to their home to stay, but at night they are forms and shapes in my dreams. There will be no new narratives with them, though they are ever marking the edges of my current stories.

…but nothing was lost; all was retained between the sky and the earth, and within himself. He had lost nothing… They were close; they had always been close. And he loved them then as he had always loved them, the feeling pulsing over him as strong as it had ever been. They loved him that way; he could still feel the love they had for him. (Ceremony)

Grief has now become my corporal companion, ever present, and for that I am grateful. As we breath in affinity, infinitely, I feel my Mom. I feel my Dad.

I am them.

 

Advertisements

2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. danieltrump
    Mar 23, 2014 @ 00:58:57

    Beautiful writing, such a difficult set of emotions and processes to describe. You have achieved this beautifully.

    Like

    Reply

  2. DM
    Mar 23, 2014 @ 05:42:21

    Both my mom and dad are still with me in the land of the living (80 and soon to be 82) reading this makes me cherish them all the more this morning. Thank you.

    Like

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Life in the Dport

Expats Abroad

A Tree On Fire With Love

But it's still scary sometimes because most people think love only looks like one thing, instead of the whole world

Curiosity Travels

"Replace fear of the unknown with curiosity."

Young Adventuress

The Solo Female Travel Blog

Young Adventuress

The Solo Female Travel Blog

teaching With "Ang-sigh-eh-tea"

The life of a teacher who struggles with anxiety and depression.

Sampa Sympatico

A Yankee Teacher's Experience of Sao Paulo, Brazil

LINDSAY JILL

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step

Once Upon a Time in México

Living my dream of teaching, traveling, and discovering culture

Teach. Travel. Taste.

A peek into the life of an American teacher in Colombia

2seetheglobe

Adventures in Globetrotting

Meditating Millennial

A Millennial's Journey Into Meditation and Mindfulness

Nomad Notions

Tales of Expat Living, Teaching, and Tramping in Taiwan and Beyond.

Sojourners' Journal

“Each of us is here for a brief sojourn; for what purpose he knows not, though he sometimes thinks he senses it. But without deeper reflection one knows from daily life that one exists for other people." —Albert Einstein

Middle East by Midwest

Observations and Experiences of Bahrain

Ex(pat) and the City

The life of a twenty-something Canadian living & teaching in Korea.

International Schools Review

ISR Blogs are open to site members and visitors alike. Your Voice Counts.

Teaching & Traveling

The Life of An International Teacher

LOVE.LIVE.LIFE.ABROAD

THE ADVENTURES OF A NOMADIC TEACHER

pedagogyofthereformed

Teaching in Brooklyn in Spite of Everything

Actively Dying

by Peter Fall Ranger

Practicing Presence

An attempt at mindfulness in life, learning, and love

chanyado

Chanyado. Shade. Respite from the sun. A place under the tree to rest my head, and wiggle my toes out in the sun.

The Educationista

Life. Lessons. Inspiration.

Words Half Heard

writing into meaning.

gadflyonthewallblog

"To sting people and whip them into a fury, all in the service of truth."

Greatfull

A snapshot of my journey to living each day with gratitude and striving to be full of greatness

Imperfect Happiness

Instructions for living a life: Pay attention. Be astonished. Tell about it. ~ Mary Oliver

tspelczech

"I'm too old to live my life in fear of dumb people." - Charlie Skinner, The Newsroom

Perfectly Pleased

I take the little moments of life and write about them. Always with Love.

Cultivate Clarity

creative writing and mindfulness-based coaching, workshops, and retreats

Crawling Out of the Classroom

In everything that my students and I do together, we strive to find ways to use reading and writing to make the world outside of our classroom a better place for all of us to be

ADVENTURES ON THE YOGA MAT

writing into meaning.

AFFECTIVE LIVING

Teaching. Learning. Living.

Mostly True Stories of K. Renae P.

My Adventures in Teaching and Learning

candidkay

Taking the journey, bumps and all

jenny's lark

the beauty of an ordinary life

Nonlinear Compilations

Parenting, teaching, writing, and learning to find beauty in the present

Education Thunk

Thoughts and musings on education as it is, was and will be.

talk from chalk

What I've learned while teaching

Thoughtful teaching

Thoughts on teaching in the modern world.

Hope, Honor, and Happiness

A blog for the book “Kingdom of the Sun” and discussions on finding the Hope, Honor, and Happiness in education, life, and the seemingly impossible.

%d bloggers like this: