A few years ago, I distinctly remember posting this status to Facebook:
Happiness is hearing your husband and your Mom talking on the porch.
Lately, I have lived without that happiness, and it is. just. sad. This year marks the second mother’s day since my Mom’s passing. One of the things I miss the most about her is her and Dave, together. They had such a special relationship…something at times that I even envied. So today, to honor my Mom, and to honor the special and moving relationship my husband had with him, I invite in his perspective.
Describe your relationship with my Mom. Our Mom.
Deep and layered. I felt a very special bond with her. She is one of the few people in life I felt comfortable sitting on the porch in silence with. I always felt like I could be me—good or bad—and not have to be “on” with her.
Why did you two connect so much?
It’s hard to say. I feel like we connected on so many different levels. We were both raised in the country and had many shared experiences: parents who worked crazy hard and modeled a great work ethic, as well as having all of the associated childhood adventures that come with the freedom and wildness of living in the country. I think we saw a kindred spirit in one another. While we both loved home, there was a spirit of adventure and travel in both of us. I think sometimes it easier to connect on that mother-son level later in life. We were able to have a relationship built on the now, that is sometimes hard to have when you bring in baggage from either being a teenager or raising one.
Driving cross country in a cargo van when we were moving all the rest of our stuff out to Colorado. All the road trips really. Getting to take her to the Badlands and Wall Drug. Watching her win at the casino.
What was one of your favorite stories you loved to hear her tell?
There were so many. I could always hear her talk about dealing with her factory bosses in Chicago. Raymond her pet pig. The highlight was when she finally let on that she used to help her dad make moonshine. My friends were so jealous that my mom had been a moonshiner.
What do you miss the most about her?
Just having someone with such a vibrant spirit around despite all the hardships and struggles she went through during life. I think that during the time I knew her, she had a bit of a transition and became very grateful for everything. It definitely helped put perspective on what the rest of us go through. I miss having her around and experiencing new things with her—from new places to crappy food we were eating.
As I read his answers, I am moved that he calls her “my mom.” Not my mother-in-law, not Molly, not Mary’s mom… but “my mom.” That says it all.
Happy mother’s day, Mom. We both deeply miss your stories and your co-travels.